Monday, September 21, 2009

Open Relationship - elevation or point of breakdown?

Gawd, i'm so bored! Hari Raya is not something that i look fwd every year solely because there are just too many people coming over to our house and this would serves the perfect time for all the makcik2, nenek2 and pakcik2 to blurt out the forbidden question - Marriage.

So leceh! as if me getting married has anything to do with them except for the part that they can eat for free! Apa dah sengkek sangat ke korang sampai nak beli makanan pun susah? Semua ni telah menyebabkan either

a. I stay in my room, pretending as if i have lots of report to finish

or

b. go out menggunakan alasan beraya walhal sebenarnye aku nak isap rokok ja


Anyhow, enough about raya already. This week marked a new chapter in my relationship. We have now officially gone open. Yes. I declare myself living in an open relationship. So anyone who wishes to call me for good fun or group work, hey i'm all up for it!! hahahhaha. Back in business babeh!

1+1 = infinity ;)

Now why the sudden shift? This is not something new to me, neither to our relationship. We've spoken bout it before, on how i lay my values and terms involved when it comes to having an ideal relationship. Vice versa. And sex with other people was never a taboo thing for me and the other half.

Not a cardinal sin.

PROVIDED which i' m well aware of whom and when the action takes place. As long as i was told about it way before it happened and i'm agreeable to it, by all means. Go and have fun for all i care. Strictly sex, no emotional attachment and of course a SAFE one.

lady and gentlemen pick your place and position...

Lets look at this from an academical point of view. A psychotherapist, Michael Shernoff wrote about open relationship in an academic journal, Family Process titled "Negotiated Nonmonogamy and Couples". He cites author Dominic Davies who suggests men may be more able to separate in their minds love from sex, and that develop their own values system, refusing the "patriarchal and capitalist notion of a partner as a possestion" *ayo, bunyi sangat intelligent. i rasa kurang bimbo sekarang. huhuhu

What does it say? basically, we are able to distinguish sex as just sex. Just like oil and water will not mix. Now don't be a smarty and start talking about emulsification coz, that is out of contact khey.

This Shernoff also categorizes couples/relationship into few subtypes:

1) the sexually exclusive couple (monogamous);

2) the sexually non-exclusive but unacknowledged couple ("cheating");

3) the primarily sexually exclusive couple, also known as "modified monogamy" (those that perhaps participate in occasional three-ways or group sex together);

4) the sexually non-exclusive acknowledged couple (the open relationship), and

5) non-sexual domestic partners. He describes how for some couples, "fidelity" is defined by the emotional primacy of the relationship, and abiding by whatever rules the couple has agreed upon for how sex outside the relationship should manifest; while "infidelity" means not sex outside the relationship, but breaking the set rules, such as engaging in unprotected sex outside the relationship when it was agreed condoms would be used, or having sex locally when it was agreed they would play with others only while traveling.


So which one are you? I've been in category 1 and 2. And let me share with you, among all categories listed there, being in category 2 relationship sucks! Hence, i would rather go for cat 1 or the remaining others for options. And looking at my current situation and condition, cat 1 is not an ideal solution. People have need and i don't want my partner to be deprived by it which later leads to cat 2.

So why wait till catastrophe hits you when you can do something about it. Taking the problem into opportunity and ultimately the solution that works for both of u. Something to think about my fellow friends and readers...

Disclaimer: Please and again please, this is just my opinion from a different angle and perspective. Not that i dont want to put religion into matter but that will definitely cause the flow of thought being interrupted. So, read this with an open mind. Last thing i want is people sending me comments of tazkirah and ceramah. Not warranted for. Thank you.
now, that is what we call a happily, loving family. lol

9 comments:

Andartu Timbuktu said...

OMG. Your photos. Batal puasa mak.Eh dah raya. Haha.Enjoy je lah. :P

Ash Shinotsubaki said...

katanya.. yes.. skang dah tak posa.. so silakan lahap dengan puas. hahahah

Anonymous said...

mmmmmmpphhh

-OAA-

izzu said...

well, is that ideal for both of you. i hope, our affair not affecting your decision

sevenmaverick said...

hurmmmmmmmmmmmm hurmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.. i dnt really know what to say since i've never been in such situation (which i wish i will never be :p) but i'm quite amazed how you guys decided to opt for an open relationship considering it hasnt been a year.. kan? apa2 pun.. i can only say that no matter what you decide, it's exceedingly important to remember that without a very serious mutual respect, your non-monogamous relationship is never, ever going to work.. hahahah.. bg i, u should have no problem at all tp ur other half, i'm kinda doubtful.. la la la..

open relationship is the deepest form of committed relationship, involving thorough respect for your partner, without any intention to exploit them.. only those who are masters of their own emotions and feel no need to depend on anyone else can enter into open relationship.. open relationship is about relations with your partner spiritually, when you respect him/her so much that you feel no need to cling, possess, or manipulate...

having said that, if you manage to pull it off.. my salutation will always be yours...

p/s i'm a hopeless devoter for cat1.. hahahhaha...

Ash Shinotsubaki said...

oaa - apa yg u nak cakap sebetulnye? hmmmm

izzu - so far belum lagi. we will see how

ed - yup. agree with ur opinion as everyone is entitled to one. hopelessly devoted to cat 1 ye... i wonder whether such thing exists in that type of world.

arep said...

mark pingsan...

i baru nak berjinak into relationship thing ni,. but.. i rasa cam tak ready sb i kuat cik-cur mengalahkan cik-sal

open relationship rasanya my BF x leh terima..

*lariksssss

konar said...

open relationship rasenye sesuai ngan u...kaedahnye masing2 setuju sooo no point to blame each other or rase bersalah bile berjumpe scandal len...

sooo,,,kesimpulannye selamat berbahagia...

~~~sentiasa wat keputusan melihatkan hati...sbb rase hati i xpenah tipu i dan keputusan yg diambil adelah yg terbaek utk i...(emotional sgt)

Ash Shinotsubaki said...

arep: the idea of any sort of relationship is for both to be comfortable in it. so kalau satu x selesa tak perlu la.

konar: setiap keputusan dan tindakan ada akibat. tu je la..